"Meyagbagaga!" would be considered a word by a single, very special creature. This is a creature who has to be chained, literally chained to his drum set to prevent him from either escaping or eating his cymbals. This is Animal, the famed Muppet drummer of the band Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem. Perhaps there's something uncivilized about a brute on the drums, but there is nothing quite as high society as Animal's impeccable jazz drumming. The fast, brilliant quadruple stroke rolls that flow from his limbs capture the inherent focus of an unbroken evolutionary chain that has produced a biologically perfect percussion machine. But nature is wily and cunning, not foolish enough to create just one of something. The botanical world has a drum machine of its own, one that emits a devastating array of sound like that of a thousand muppet snare drummers, given the slightest hint of a breeze. Populus tremuloides, the Trembling Aspen is the all-time greatest hits soundtrack to the Garden Manscape.
Trembling Aspen may have evolved almost too perfectly. In South-Central Utah a stand of Aspens called Pando exists which is heralded as the largest, the heaviest, and perhaps the oldest living organism on Earth. Populus tremuloides does not often spread by seed; rather it creates a spreading mass of underground roots that send up additional genetic clone 'trees', but are connected as a single entity. Pando is estimated to weight upwards of 6,600 tons and may be over 80,000 years old. The name "Trembling" comes from the flattened petioles that attach leaf to stick on these trees. The flat shape catches the wind much more than a regular round leaf petiole, and is responsible for the constant quaking evident in this species. Using these poplars in the Garden Manscape may require occasional removal of suckers, which are the volunteer clones that emerge from the spreading root mass. With a solid pair of hand pruners, this is really no big deal. Besides the addition of movement to the garden, these are also grown for their smooth light bark and vibrant yellow color in the Fall.
As far as neediness goes, Aspens are a lot like Animal; keep them watered, give them space to play, but keep them under control. These are a major component in Boreal Forest regions, which means you can plant them pretty much as far north as humans are willing to go, well into Zone 3. Populus tremuloides can be found in absolutely every soil type; shallow, deep, rocky, sandy, clay-ey, loamy, or wet. It takes a lot of effort to kill an Aspen, especially once you've let it establish, so this definitely falls under the 'Easy to Grow' category. Full grown, these are medium-large trees standing up to 70' tall. If you're a budget conscious gardener and have more time than money, planting a stand of Tremblers is a thrifty way to begin filling in a corner of the landscape with a grove of trees. Make sure not too mow too close to the base of the colony for a few years and you'll have an Insta-Forest in no time.
Think of the soundtrack to your Garden Manscape now, and it's probably like a speaker on mute. Animal doesn't do 'mute', and from now on neither should you. Pump up the jams and throw in some Trembling Aspens to fill the back corners of the garden. It's like an awesome drum solo all day, every day, for the next 80,000 years.
photo credit:
1] http://www.troys-drums.com/images/animal_drums.jpg
2] http://www.backyardbutterflygarden.com/butterflies/aspen-tree.jpg
3] http://westcan.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/aspens.jpg
4] http://www.colby-sawyer.edu/images/image_899.jpg
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