I think we can agree that the best thing about high octane action flicks are the sweet sassy-molassy explosions. But the best thing about a Man-Garden? Also the sweet sassy-molassy explosions. The common Witch Hazel (Hamamelis virginiana) has a wildly interesting fall inflorescence (fancy word for flower) that's normally yellow, orange, and rarely red. Over the course of the next year this crazy formation bundles itself up, creates seeds, and then bursts in a spectacular display of raw power. I suggest practicing duck and cover drills any place within 30 feet of a Witch Hazel, since the little mini-hand grenades it shucks out can travel up to 10 yards. If Schwarzenegger as the Terminator had brought a plant with him when he wrastled the T-1000 robot, it most certainly would have been a Witch Hazel. It's got your back.
Of course, the common Witch Hazel isn't really a hazel at all, (the trickery of witches, no doubt...) although an extract made from the bark is used as an anti-aging agent commonly used by women. So arguably, Witch Hazel prevents witches... (thanks Witch Hazel)
Witch Hazel grows as a sort of in-between shrub/tree... thing. Growth of 15 to 30 feet can normally be expected, and Witch Hazel should get lots of sun and plenty of water. The crazy flower explosions can be expected to last from around October to December, which makes winter suck just a little less for a while. These tree-shrub-things need a loamy soil. Now what the hell does loamy mean? A loam soil has a little bit of everything in it. If your dirt feels real thick'n'sticky or just breaks apart really easily like sand, it probably isn't a loam. Grab a handful and get to the garden store to ask someone what it is. Basically the ground just needs to drain well for the Witch Hazel to be happy. And a happy Witch Hazel is an exploding Witch Hazel.
Since the last few movies you probably watched involved big fiery fireballs, car chases, and sweet hot babes, you'll definitely want to find a spot in your Garden Man-scape for a Witch Hazel. If it's good enough for Arnold, it's good enough for me. 'Cause Arnold's a Man, man.
photo credit:
1] http://www.metromatinee.com/MetromatineMoviewNews/images/exploding%20car%20explosion%20fire%20vehicle%20on.jpg
2] http://www.uwgb.edu/biodiversity/herbarium/trees/hamvir_flower02gf500.jpg
3] http://honr3002.wiki-site.com/images/e/e5/WitchFaceWO184.jpg
4] http://media.photobucket.com/image/recent/elitemidwest/evergreens/shrubs/CommonWitch-hazel.jpg
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